How Do You Feel About That?

How do you compliment her in a way that sounds high value? There are two ways to compliment women. One is attractive, one is not. The difference is huge, and entirely dependant on how you deliver the compliment. Think about the reason a low value person often gives someone a compliment. He approaches a beautiful woman and gives her a compliment, but is clearly trying to start a conversation, what would most likely be her reaction? She will most likely make her excuses to end the interaction as soon as possible. Because she is certain that he’s going to ask her for some spare change. How about the charity man in the street with the clipboard. As she approaches, he locks eyes with her, then gives her a compliment. How does she respond? By thanking him and telling him she is too busy to talk. In both these examples the woman pushes the complimenting men away immediately. Because they all wanted something from her. Their complements were just a means to an end.

Nobody's Fault

Meaningless lies that lacked sincerity. A less obvious example of this is the low value nice guy who really wants the beautiful woman to like him, so he compliments her because he believes she will like it and think of him favourably. She feels the neediness nested within the compliment, and finds it repulsive. Compare that to when her boss gives her a compliment on a project she has completed. How does she feel about that? She loves it of course, and will actually want to engage with her boss to hear more about what he liked about it. The compliment was sincere, and he wanted nothing from her in return. A high value compliment, then, is more of a statement. The boss was just telling his employee what he thought. He was just declaring what he believed to be true. Now let’s step back from these more extreme scenarios, back to you approaching that woman on the street. How do you sound like that boss I just mentioned? You want your compliment to sound like a statement. Like a declaration of your truth.

One Of Those Days

You need to sound like you are saying this is how it is, not do you mind if I say this?. Your tonality, then, needs to have the quality of a statement, dropping down at the end, rather than rising up, as a question does. The second thing, is pausing. Low value compliments end with a pause, and as you wait for her response, any value in the compliment evaporates. Don’t pause after the compliment. Give the compliment, then immediately push on to the next tool I have for you that allows you to build a conversation out of nothing. When you make a statement, whether in response to the other person or of your own volition, you are adding value to the conversation, like adding wood to a fire you are both sat around. When you ask a question, you add nothing, and since you are burdening the other with the need to answer you, you are taking value away. A conversation between two people of equal status will be a balance of give and take, statements and questions. The only person who is justified in taking more than he gives is someone with higher status. When you go to a job interview, the interviewer is often the one asking all of the questions, taking all of the value from the interaction. Flip that around, where you are a highly sought after man with a rare skillset, visiting the various companies who have offered you a job to see which one you would prefer to work for.

Only Our Hearts

Now you are asking the employers most of the questions. When you approach a woman you don’t know and attempt to start a conversation, the fire that you are sharing is weak, and will be extinguished if you take anything from it. That means no questions, at least not right out of the gate. But how can you speak to a woman you’ve never met before, and talk to her without asking questions, I hear you ask? I call it hotwiring because you circumnavigate the standard way in which strangers start conversations, using the psychology of assumed familiarity and the power of ego. Let me explain how it works. But what can you possibly talk about with a woman you have never met? What can you possibly talk about that you know, without a doubt, will be of interest to her? If you can make a statement about her, she will be all ears, I promise you. The way to do that easily and spontaneously, without any preparation or consideration, is to make an assumption about her. Assumptions are the most powerful tool in your arsenal for starting conversations with strangers and pulling yourself out of conversational black holes. They are the single most effective conversation hack I have ever come across. Guess what she does for work. Guess which major she’s studying at university. Guess what country or city she’s from. Guess what kind of music she’s into. The difference is that, instead of taking value away from the conversation, you have actually added some. Your assumption is enjoyable for her, as she gets to see how she is perceived by the outside world, which is something we’re all interested to hear. Don’t get stuck in the trap of making assumption after assumption after assumption, though, otherwise, it will become less of a conversation, and more of a weird guessing game. The engine is going, there’s no need to keep trying to fire her up again. The idea of talking to women and risking rejection was a scary idea. It’s time to call upon your Warrior to help you do what needs to be done. We need his focus, courage and determination. And you are going to listen to whatever music makes you feel powerful, bold, confident and masculine. I call it Man Music.