What Was This Experience Like?

Can you think of a time you ever felt scared before? They talked about their favorite teams, ragged on each other, and talked about their favorite hockey moments. Mike grew up playing on frozen lakes and reminisced about being a child. He told Mike to let him know if there was anything he could do for him or help him understand from a veteran’s perspective. The following week, Travis was leaving the same group and saw Mike in the waiting room again. He waved hello and was about to keep walking when Mike asked him to wait up. Mike came up to Travis and thanked him for talking to him the week prior. He disclosed that he was intending to go home and kill himself that night but that talking about hockey reminded him how passionate he was about it. Talking to Travis allowed him to feel that he wasn’t alone. The connection that he felt with Travis in being able to talk about his favorite sport possibly did as much, if not more, to help him that day as a therapy intervention. The truth is that you are in this profession for a reason. You save lives on a daily basis. You probably recall the origin story activity we talked about earlier, regarding receiving support from a heroic role model.

Letting Go

For many of your clients, that heroic role model is you. Many of them probably have imaginary conversations with you, confiding in you, listening to your guidance. There are probably multiple people who are alive today because of something kind that you did and said. In this therapy quest, you are the Chosen One. You make a difference. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being wonderful. Monsters are any of the client’s unwanted thoughts, feelings, sensations, and memories. This means that monsters are sometimes the client’s own defence mechanisms, or ways that they have learned to keep themselves safe. For example, a client who experienced bullying and emotional abuse might develop depression, as well as social anxiety. This client might also develop thoughts such as, I am worthless, and If I get close to someone, I will be rejected and hurt. In some ways, these thoughts and emotions might be protective in that they might be keeping the individual safe. The thoughts might, for example, lead the client to disengage from social interactions, potentially preventing them from experiencing such painful events again in the future.

A Great Day For Freedom

However, in the long term, there might be a serious cost if the individual were to continue to abide by these thoughts. For instance, if someone who has a fear of heights was to be told that they are not allowed to feel anxious when standing on a roof of a very tall building, that person would likely have a panic attack. However, if that individual is allowed to experience their anxiety, they might be more willing to feel anxious and nevertheless remain in the situation that makes them anxious. The next activity gives an experiential example that I often use with clients to demonstrate this point. With younger children it would be preferable to talk about their experiences rather than asking them to write. Imagine that you were actually looking at a unicorn like it, perhaps a pink unicorn. Now, close your eyes for a moment and imagine the pink unicorn. Can you visualize it? Now, keeping your eyes closed, I’m going to ask you to completely erase that pink unicorn from your mind and memory for the next 30 seconds. So, do not picture the pink unicorn, do not even think of the words pink or unicorn at all. After 30 seconds, please open your eyes. What was this experience like? Now, close your eyes again and this time, please focus only on the pink unicorn in your mind. Think only of the pink unicorn, do not take your mind off it for the next 30 seconds, don’t think of anything else, do not get distracted.

Life Itself

After 30 seconds, please open your eyes. What was this experience like? Most people also report that when they purposely try to focus only on the pink unicorn, they are unable to maintain their focus on it and the image eventually fades. Similar experiences can be observed with our emotions. Purposely trying to suppress emotions can lead to a more intense version of that emotion. If suppressed, emotions can multiply and grow into an even more extreme form of the initial emotion. The following worksheets can be used to discuss the unhealthy effects of emotional suppression with clients. However, unprocessed emotions can make us feel worse in the long term. Feelings are not meant to be suppressed, they are meant to be felt, that is why they are called feelings. If suppressed, emotions can multiply and grow into an even more extreme form of the initial emotions. For example, suppressed or unprocessed grief can lead to depression, and in some cases, panic attacks. Here are some examples of initially painful emotions and what they can grow into if the initial emotions are not addressed. What are some of the examples of situations in which you experienced these emotions? Everyone feels these emotions, even superheroes and other fictional characters. Can you think of an example when a fictional hero you like might have felt scared, angry, or sad? What was going on for this character? What do you think this character needed at the time? For example, support, protection, or maybe, a friend? How would this hero feel if they never ever received this kind of support? It makes sense, and sometimes that’s the right thing to do. But sometimes when we try to hide from all our emotions, we might actually feel worse over time. For example, if we feel scared and we never learn to face our fears, then we might become even more scared over time. Let’s think of some of the emotions that you have experienced before. How about the feeling of sadness?