I Have Never Been So Happy In My Life

I used to be rather hard on people and crushed them if I could, if I was angry enough, but I don’t feel like doing that anymore because the next person could be me. I asked at what time, and they said exactly the same time as when I looked at the clock. It was around twelve a.m. She had died at that exact moment when she came to me. That was the proof I needed. Ida’s shared death experience and its aftermath were truly life altering. She explains, I was just transformed the next day. I knew that this truth was at the heart of everything, and it was pure love. I mean, we’re one and the same. We are connected in strange ways. She adds, I got back my faith in people. I have empathy for everyone, because I felt that we were all part of the same thing and we belong to each other.

Everything in its Right Place

It was just a tremendous gift, a gift that transformed me completely. My life changed from that episode. It was a gift of love, really. I’m sure my mother wanted to show me that she was in good hands. Maybe she was going to make up for something she did wrong. I’ve often thought about it afterward. I wish that everyone was able to do that, give a child that kind of gift, because it changes everything. I’m not scared of dying. This is something I have to keep to myself. But I want to tell the world, because it’s amazing. It needs to be told. Also equally striking are the parallels among the experiencers’ stories, particularly in their language and imagery.

Someday Your Ship Will Sail

Ida and Cristina had very similar experiences in terms of being enveloped in bright light and being lifted. Unlike our previous cases, Alison’s does not involve immediate family but rather a longtime friend. Alison was shopping at a clothing outlet in Camarillo, California. Wendy would always preface whatever she was saying with, Oh, I’m really sorry. I think that came from her father having committed suicide when she was a young girl. That day, she came to me and she said, Alison, I’m really, really sorry, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I just couldn’t do it. During these moments, Alison had the sensation of Wendy as a vibrant teenager, and utterly free. She was so grateful to be free from her body. It was joyful for her. It was such a relief. Alison explains, Every person has an essence, and I guess it’s Wendy’s essence that came to me, her Wendyness.

Put Blinders On

And all of the lovely times we had shared. Alison also describes the sense of being in two places, one with these intense feelings and images and the other where she was standing in the store, trying on tunics and leggings. I was pressed for time, so I’m trying to halfheartedly carry on with what I’m doing. I’m absentmindedly picking out clothes. And boy, did I buy some stupid stuff that I’ve never worn. Because this Wendy thing was so powerful. As the experience began to subside, a United Kingdom telephone number popped up on her phone. She says, I knew what was coming next. Alison received the news that Wendy had passed away. In processing what had happened, Alison recalls, I had the sensation that this young girl was kind of up in the air, flying off, feeling happy and free. She says this encounter very much impacted her own grief. There was no sadness in that moment during the event. She had been struggling with her health, and I could see that Wendy needed to go. Later, I was very, very sad that Wendy was no longer in my life, but I knew she had to go. Similarly, Alison reported no sadness in that moment and stated that this powerful sensation tempered her own approach to her subsequent grief. It was the best feeling in the whole world. I have never been so happy in my life. Equally compelling to us as researchers when we review these cases is how many people use similar words to describe an almost indescribable experience. It is an experience that drives them to search for meaning and interpretation, from wondering why they were selected to have this experience, to what the dying person wanted to convey to them, share with them, or teach them. During our conversation, for example, Alison said that she had wondered why Wendy had chosen her to be the recipient of this experience. Her best explanation is the bond of their long friendship. Cultures from the ancient Celts of Northern Europe to the Aboriginal peoples of Australia all performed their own version of the death wail. The Irish later had a tradition of hiring keeners, women who came to funerals to loudly weep over the dead. Death produces in many of us a great reservoir of emotion, and, for many, a profound sadness. So it has been both profoundly humbling and deeply revelatory to discover that shared death experiences can lead to significant and often lasting comfort. Its comfort can arrive in many forms. He was diagnosed with a recurrence while visiting Carl in California. His dad stayed to undergo treatment, giving him a chance to spend time with his son and baby granddaughter. Then he returned to his house in Massachusetts. Carl made a surprise trip to see him for a weekend and thought he was doing well. The next Sunday, Carl recalls, I had put my phone away. We had scheduled a family day and then dinner with friends. He returned home and saw that he had missed eighteen calls. I don’t remember the actual call well. My dad had died of heart failure. It was just sort of shock. Carl told his wife, and then, as he describes it, I basically ended up wandering outside and just bawling. He walked around in a haze until he decided to sit down on the front steps.