The Posture Of Confidence

Let’s do a technique now to make you feel more confident. Imagine a slightly more confident ‘you’ sitting or standing in front of you. Now, I’d like you to imagine stepping in to that more confident you. See through their eyes, hear through their ears and feel the feelings of your more confident self. Now step into this more confident self and then notice that in front of you is an even more confident self – more passion, more power, more ease, more comfort. Then again, imagine an even more confident you sitting or standing in front of you. And step into that more confident you. Feel your confidence overflowing! Be sure to notice how you are using your body – how you are breathing, the expression on your face, and the light in your eyes. A lot of people think that being confident means doing some important act like speaking in a massive auditorium or making a huge business decision. Whereas the confidence people experience in everyday life can be something as simple as shopping in a supermarket. There’s no worry present – just a decisive, simple, effortless, determined act of picking out the items that you want. That, by definition, is a form of confidence.

Finding The Right Words To Say

The word confidence itself comes from Latin confidentia, from confidere which means ‘to have full trust. Some people tell me that they find it difficult to imagine themselves as more confident, in which case, we need to simply borrow from the confidence of others. This is how human beings naturally learn. For example, one of the reasons human beings find it relatively easy to learn to drive a car is because for years most people have sat behind someone driving and have watched how it was done and in their minds, they can put themselves in the place of the driver. So, let’s do a technique where we borrow from the confidence of someone who is extremely confident. It can be a famous person, or it can be your Aunt Gladys – it doesn’t matter, as long as the person you choose is someone you think of as a confident person. Read through the entire technique first or download the audio version and I will talk you through each step. Think of someone whose confidence and charisma you wish to emulate. Think of a time when they exhibited the skill you wish to learn. Now, run through that memory of your role model performing that particular skill. Do this several times. If it helps, do it once in slow motion.

A Hold On Me

Now, go over to your role model and float into their body, and synchronize with their posture, stand or sit exactly the way they do. Pull the same expression they do. See through their eyes, hear through their ears and feel how confident they feel. Now run through the memory of them performing the skill from the inside and get the general sense of your role model’s confidence. Do this several times, until you have a strong sense of how confident it is to be your role model. Last year, I was doing a radio interview and before we went live to air the presenter said he wanted to thank me, because he’d used one of my techniques to give himself more confidence. There was a girl he worked with who he was very attracted to, but he didn’t have the confidence to ask her out. He practised changing his internal dialogue and became much more confident. We’ve been married now for 15 years. So, let’s do a technique to increase your confidence by controlling your internal dialogue. Locate your internal voice. Just ask yourself, Where is my internal voice? and notice the location where you hear the words.

Tell It Like It Is

At the front of your head, the back or the side. Now, I would like you to imagine how your voice sounds if it is totally confident. Is it louder or softer than usual? Is it clearer and easier to hear? Is it stronger or weaker? Do you speak faster or more slowly? However your voice sounds when you are really positive and confident, put that voice in the same location where your old internal voice was located. Now in a strong calm voice say these words over and over, All is well, all is well, all is well, and notice how that makes you feel. For each statement, come up with its positive opposite. Finally, I want you to repeat the new, positive suggestions to yourself in your new, confident internal voice – say the new statements over and over again. Nobody has ever marched into my office with their head held high and exclaimed, I’m depressed!. Those people are usually slouching and looking at the ground. When you are excited, your posture reflects that. When you are sad, your posture is different. The legendary movie star Roger Moore once told me that when he first went to acting school, he had a teacher who asked him, How tall are you?6’1’ he replied. So, why don’t you stand as though you are 6’1’? said the teacher. Roger straightened up and from that day onwards, he started getting more work. I imagine that there is a golden thread coming down from the sky, going through the very top of my head and down through my core, which is holding me upright. I imagine this thread holding me up straight and taking my weight, so I am relaxed, but with a tall, upright posture. It takes just a couple of seconds to remember it, to let your body respond and to feel the benefits. It is particularly useful if you are tired or stressed or have spent too long hunched over a computer. Use it as often as you can, and after a while you will notice that your body wants to keep that relaxed, upright posture. Social psychologist of the Harvard Business School has become famous for her work showing that our posture also influences our state of mind and body.