Just Being Honest And Open

Sharing opinions, stories, history, and other pieces of information bit by bit also makes you more exciting and interesting to a date. Caitlin is cute and has a fun personality, and she loves to joke and laugh. Caitlin’s friend was convinced that Caitlin and Rick would hit it off, and this was about all they knew about each other when they met for dinner. Rick was fairly quiet on their date, didn’t ask many questions, and selectively told her about his job and interests. She talked about her mother’s recent Alzheimer’s diagnosis, told him funny stories about her evil boss, confessed that she only stays at her job because it’s phenomenal money, and even confided about her last relationship and why it didn’t work out. Caitlin told me she was on cloud nine by the end of the night. What a fantastic guy! She thought they had really hit it off. She never heard from Rick again. Studies show that people do not want to hear too much, too soon. Research has found that these people, who think they’re just being honest and open, are viewed by the listener as not trustworthy, because they tell all without knowing the other person first. You’re taking a vacation you’ve been looking forward to for ages, and in just two short hours, you’ll arrive at your destination. You settle into your seat and buckle up, take a deep breath, and relax.

Stiff Upper Lip

How she had to put in extra time at work to make this trip. Of course, health issues are the last thing she needs to worry about after the fight she had with her husband about little Johnnie’s report card! You’re stuck in your seat on a plane with no way out. By the time the flight ends, you can’t get out of there fast enough. This is exactly how it feels for your date when you disclose too much, too soon, especially on a first date. Sit down and think about the areas of your life that you wouldn’t mind sharing with your date. If you want to build trust and be liked by a new partner, disclose personal information gradually over time. If this person is right for you, there will be plenty of time to share personal details. It’s like eating tiny bites of a heavenly dessert rather than wolfing it all down at once! Women typically disclose more than men. Some men find it difficult to reveal information about themselves and their relationships. If you are a woman dating a man, don’t expect your date to tell you quite as much as you may be telling him. If you are a man dating a woman, don’t be surprised when she presses you for more information than you care to reveal. Relationship researchers call this the norm of reciprocity in disclosure.

Still Believing In You

So on the first few dates, if you want the relationship to continue to develop, reveal personal information slowly, so your date won’t feel too pressured to respond with his or her personal details. Give me a bit more time, though, and I will. Attraction develops and grows with everything you disclose. Studies show that if you disclose personal information gradually over time, the other person’s attraction and positive feelings about you will increase, too. You can also use this information to gauge whether the relationship is going anywhere or getting more serious. If your partner’s information becomes more personal as time goes on, it’s a clear sign that the relationship is deepening and growing stronger. If your partner is holding back personal information, you may have hit a stumbling block. If you disclose too much or something that’s too personal and your relationship just isn’t there yet, it may actually produce dislike. Since Caitlin and Rick were only on their first date, it’s safe to say that one reason the date didn’t go well is because Caitlin revealed too much and pushed Rick away. So it’s not just how much Caitlin revealed, but what she revealed that may have turned Rick off. Now, is it possible that Rick has money issues or feels terrible about his income? Maybe Rick had a past girlfriend who constantly nagged him about not making enough money, and Caitlin’s comment reminded him of that relationship. Caitlin may never know what caused Rick to lose interest, because she revealed so many things on their first date.

Endless And Deeply

What has Caitlin learned for her next first date? She’s learned that her belief in putting it all out there is completely off target. Next time, she’ll keep the conversation light and funny, which she is very good at, and she won’t disclose highly personal information or talk about past boyfriends. A first date should be fun, and not too heavy or serious if you want to go on a second one. If she’s sensitive to the flow, the quantity, and the quality of the give and take between them, her next dating adventure will be more likely to get off to a good start. Not sure how to handle a first date? Women are more romantic than men. This myth is always shocking to both men and women. Research reveals that men, hands down, hold more idealized views of love and relationships. Consider these statements. Do you think they’re true? True love can overcome any obstacle. True love can strike at any time. Love at first sight really does happen. It’s easy to fall in love. They were surprised to find that men, rather than women, were more likely to agree with the statements I listed above. Men are also more likely than women to think that if you can just love someone enough, nothing else matters. They also tend to believe that love should be more passionate. Men idealize how love should be, even though these beliefs don’t match up with the love they express in their own relationships. People who are more romantic tend to experience more love, satisfaction, and commitment in their relationships.