Was It Even A Healthy Relationship To Begin With?

Could how you view the relationship be adding to your emotional baggage? Every morning, I’d write a number on my calendar, just to log how I was feeling. Over time, though, I honestly started to feel like my anger was fading away, and I watched the numbers on my calendar drop, month after month. I’m at zero now, no kidding. He was a jerk, but I can see that he’s someone else’s jerk now! I feel so good about that. After spending years allowing her emotions to control her present, she finally found herself done with the past, and ready to move on. Next, I’ll review six effective strategies that will help you unpack your emotional baggage, take a step away from the past, and move forward. You might find that you need to follow these strategies in order, checking them off methodically, one by one. Or you might skip around until you find a few that truly resonate with you. Let’s take a long, hard look at your past and the relationship you’re emotionally tethered to. Was it even a healthy relationship to begin with? The first fifteen years of my marriage were pretty good. But for the last few years, it just seemed bad most of the time. I was depressed, and we fought all the time.

Before The Beginning

I guess at the back of my mind I knew things weren’t right, but I kept holding out, hoping our relationship would get better. Now that I’m divorced, I can look back and see just how bad things had gotten. It was so hard to see the relationship clearly at the time. Many of us don’t listen to our gut feelings about our relationships, or fear that we can’t or won’t be able to identify the unhealthy habits we have with our partners. How do you know if a relationship was, or is, unhealthy for you? There’s conflict and anger. When you think about your relationship or home life, would you describe it as generally cold, angry, and conflicted? Did you and your partner say mean or cruel things about each other in front of your children, family, or friends? Is this something you still do now? There’s a lack of support. In your relationship, did your partner support you during times of stress, like after the loss of a job or the death of a loved one? Who would you first turn to for emotional support? Was it your partner or spouse? An unhealthy relationship is one where you would prefer to get help from anyone but your partner. Sometimes people need to work late or have many commitments outside of the home. However, when you work late or increase your obligations because you don’t want to be with your partner, it’s an unhealthy relationship. You can’t say I love you. Sure, there are times where you may not like what your partner has done or said. You may not even want to say, I love you.

Don't Look Down

An unhealthy relationship is one where you can’t say these words to your partner anymore. If you have strong negative feelings toward your ex, you may look at this list and recognize that you were in an unhealthy relationship. Is Your Current Relationship Adding to Your Emotional Baggage? Have you stayed in a relationship longer than you should, simply because it was a committed relationship? Are you in a relationship now and recognize that it’s unhealthy, but are reluctant to leave? People stay in relationships for many reasons. Some people stay because they want to. They are happy in the relationship. Other people stay in a relationship because they feel a moral or religious obligation to keep the relationship or marriage together. They stay in the relationship because they feel they should stay. These people feel strongly that the sanctity of marriage is a sacred institution, or they have a personal sense of obligation to honor their commitments. Another group of people remain because they feel they have to. They are afraid of the consequences and are worried about what might happen if they leave their partner. These people continue in their present relationship to shelter their children, for financial stability, or to avoid reactions from their friends or family that may come from a divorce or breakup. Please note, that if you are currently in an extremely unhealthy relationship, characterized by chronic physical or psychological abuse, constant criticism, or pervasive contempt, working through these issues or unpacking your emotional baggage on your own will not be enough, and I strongly encourage you to seek counseling or the help of another health care professional.

Not Guilty

Another successful strategy to unpack your emotions is to identify ways to constructively release your emotions. A relationship or breakup, it’s so important to have an outlet for your emotional stress. On the good side, these outlets can also provide you with many other positive benefits. In addition, certain sports like swimming, golf, and yoga provide you with personal time to effectively reflect and meditate on your feelings. And new research suggests that physical activity may even reduce your body’s reaction to future stress. So by exercising now, your emotions will be even easier to deal with later on. Take in roommates, join a club or gym, or move to a condo complex. Seek the company of good friends and family. Put the focus on others and what you can do for them. You’ll feel good about helping others, you’ll keep your mind from dwelling on your emotions, and you’ll keep your perspective in check. Paint, play music, garden, or write. I was pulling weeds and hoeing dirt, I wasn’t thinking about the fact that my husband left me or how I was going to pay the rent. Get inside your car where no one can hear or see you, and then yell at your ex at the top of your lungs until you’ve said absolutely everything you need to say and have gotten it all off your chest.