Were Your Parents Savers Or Spenders?

If you’ve always been independent, for example, it may be hard for you to be taken care of financially by a new partner, and this could cause money issues to come to a head. Or if your family was very poor growing up and you didn’t have extra money to spend, you might become anxious or nervous about spending money on items your children may not necessarily need. Finally, how you view money has most likely been influenced by the dynamics of your past marriage or relationship. Or you and your partner may have been spenders, and you still associate money with good times, vacations, and great experiences. They enter into their new relationships with a different outlook, a new money vocabulary, and the hope of avoiding money issues the second time around. A working knowledge of finance and money isn’t something we are born with. This could be a financial adviser, a nonprofit credit counselor, or an accountant. You can also educate yourself by tapping into the Internet to find new ways to save, cut costs, or invest your money for the long term. What does money mean to you? How did your parents deal with money? Did your parents discuss money in front of you? Were your parents savers or spenders? Did they spend the majority of their money on themselves, the house, the kids, or on recreation? Did you see or hear your parents fight about money regularly? What did money mean to you when you were growing up? Was it something you took for granted, because your needs were always provided for? Were you so poor that you’ve spent most of your adult life worried that you’ll never be financially secure? Did you receive an allowance, or did you work to contribute to the household or your personal expenses? How did you deal with money in your former relationships? Were you responsible for your own expenses, or did you both contribute to the household? Did you ever feel you couldn’t do something that cost money because your partner didn’t approve? Was your relationship great when money was good, but terrible when money was tight? How could these views impact you now? Many recognized that shared bank accounts and expenses weren’t worth the trouble, so they’ve kept these accounts separate the second time around. This also means that you shouldn’t assume that your new partner will want to split everything 50/50, even if that’s what you are used to or prefer. Take the time to talk about money openly, discover what money arrangements work best for you and a new partner, and set some money ground rules right from the start. We all view money differently.

Look What You've Done

Studies show that women tend to see money as a sign of security. They like to save for emergencies and become worried when financial problems arise. Listen to what a person has to say. Then put yourself in his or her shoes to see what would be important to you if you had the same view. Look beyond the surface. Think carefully as you discuss money issues with your partner, friend, or child to make sure there isn’t a bigger problem at the core of your relationship. Sit down and talk about money with your friends and family members. And you won’t feel blindsided when issues, like the loss of a job or an unexpected expense, do pop up. Share responsibility. Studies show that couples have less tension when they each weigh in on big financial decisions. One partner may play a bigger role in managing the finances, but it’s vital that both partners are involved and aware of accounts, balances, retirement plans, and big purchase spending. Even if you have separate bank accounts, make sure you know about your partner’s assets and debts and can locate all financial documentation.

Major Minus

Set rules and limits. Together, both as a family and within a partnership, it’s important to come up with spending rules or limits. For instance, set a weekly budget and track your spending. By setting some ground rules and expectations now, you can avoid conflict about money later. Improve how you communicate. I changed how I communicate with my partner! From talking through issues to taking time to communicate, open and honest communication is cited across the board. Timing is everything. Timing really can make or break a conversation. However, Doug learned from his old habits and behavior, so in his new relationship, he makes sure to have this kind of talk time when he and his partner are both relaxed and have time to discuss things through. Every Saturday morning, Doug and his partner go out for a nice breakfast. If nothing needs to be discussed, they simply enjoy each other’s company. Are we attracted to others who communicate the same way we do? According to research, the answer is yes.

Its Getting To Be A Habit

Times, what we think and what we actually communicate are two very different things. Avoid dropping hints or talking around a subject. Instead, practice being clear and direct. For example, if you come home from work and you really don’t feel like making dinner, instead of saying, Whew! I’ve had an exhausting day and the last thing I feel like doing is cooking. For example, if you want someone to know you are listening, make eye contact and lean in toward the person you are speaking with. If you want someone to know you’re on their side, don’t talk to them with your arms crossed in front of you. This sounds easy enough, but most of us don’t do it. We’re too busy building our case and thinking about how we’re going to respond to what’s being said. To be a good listener, you want to concentrate on what the other person is saying, allow the other person to finish talking without interrupting, repeat what the other person has said to make sure there isn’t a misunderstanding, and address his or her points before making a point of your own.