Building A Life Around Someone Else

I had suspected for months he had been having an affair, which was one of the main reasons for our separation. We were separated at the time, and in limbo about what would happen to our marriage. I called his cell phone and a woman answered. For months he denied it. But the moment she answered his phone, I knew. Without hesitation, I asked her, Are you sleeping with my husband? She replied, If you’re asking me that, we need to talk. At that moment, I knew it was over. As I walked down the stairs awkwardly carrying a large box, I saw the front doorknob turning. The next second, someone walked in. It was my husband, with his girlfriend in tow. And she was seven months pregnant. At the time of our separation, we had been discussing conceiving our first child.

Drifting Too Far From The Shore

And here was this woman, standing in front of me, pregnant. They had a house together and even a dog. And now they were having a baby. Seeing her that day, I wondered if a person could die from heartbreak. The months that followed were my own proverbial awakening. Told me to Wake the hell up! I had spent our entire relationship, all thirteen years, suffocating myself. Building a life around someone else because I was simply desperate for love. I had to take responsibility for the life I had 100 percent participated in creating. On the outside I was happy. But on the inside I was screaming. Convinced something was wrong with me, convinced if only he would change, everything would be great. I devoured everything I could to help myself.

Will Anything Happen?

In fact, one of my least favorite things to hear is, That’s easier said than done. Granted, I’ve said that line myself many, many times in the past, but for some reason over the last few years I get a physical reaction every time I hear it. That is the most obvious statement that has ever come out of my mouth and I vow to you and Jesus that I will never say it to anyone again. Even worse, that statement always seems to follow a piece of wisdom or advice about life or healing or moving forward. You can talk and talk and talk about what you want to do with your life. And to change or work on themselves is easier said than done. Everything is easier said than done. Words are meaningless unless they are backed up with action. Everyone knows that. Work on yourself, work on your past, work on your issues, work on your addictions. If it were easy, in my humble opinion, there would be way less wrong with the world than there is now. Help online and offline.

After The Fall

There is not one single person I know who has an amazing life who hasn’t found help, then taken hard action and worked on themselves. And none of them will tell you that it was easy, nor did it look like a tampon commercial. I wrote it for all the women out there who are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Who are ready to play a bigger game. You are the most precious thing you’ve got. You are priceless and worth all the work in the world to make you happy and fulfilled. This life you have is short. You have such an immense amount of loving power within you. All you need is an ounce of belief that you can create what you want. Look for that crack in the door and run for it. Live, love, and learn on your terms. If you are someone who points fingers and blames everyone else for your unhappy circumstances, or feel that you are just destined to have a crappy life, I’m talking to you. If you are often the guest of honor at your own pity party and play the victim role too often, I’m talking to you. If you’re this person, you might be thinking, Doesn’t she know how hard I have it? Everyone has a sad story. Even heartbreaking ones. You’re not unique that way. The hard truth is that the longer you stay stuck in a story of blaming your circumstances, the more you keep repeating that story to yourself and to others, the more you will remain in this same story. Do you want to remain stuck? Do you want to remain in the same story? Then stop telling it from a place of victimhood. Your circumstances don’t mean you are destined for unhappiness. They don’t mean anything except they are facts and life experiences. Your life is made up of your circumstances. How you react and think about them is what determines your feelings and beliefs about yourself, and what shapes your reality. Let’s say you’ve gained twenty pounds in the last year from overeating and not exercising. Now you want to lose that weight. The circumstance is that you’re twenty pounds heavier than you want to be. The thought you might have is that you’re fat, lazy, and unattractive. Your belief might be that you’re never going to have a relationship that you want, or get that promotion, all because of the weight. And when you’re feeling this way, what do you think your actions might be? When people feel sad and unworthy, do you think they are motivated to maintain a healthy lifestyle and exercise? The thing with this pattern of thinking and subsequent feeling is that the actions taken are usually direct evidence of the original thought. Then your thought that, I’m fat and unattractive is supported by your actions. It becomes a cycle that can be hard to escape from when you’re caught in it. Believe it or not, you’re choosing to keep those thoughts in your life. I fully believe that you, with practice, can shift your thinking and choose your thoughts. What you want to do is turn negative thoughts into positive ones, which turn into committed beliefs.