Is That Really Putting Yourself Out?

I was worried about what I’d lose when we had to move again. In most places we’d lived before, I had one or maybe two close friends. I was reluctant to really put down roots, waiting for the perfect time. The problem in football life is that people get traded or released, or they retire, and every year looks different. I didn’t need to be in the right place to put myself out there. I’ve decided that even if we move every year, I’m going to put myself out there and meet people. Each place has a woman or group of women I need and women who need me. The risk of friendship, of vulnerability, is worth it. Even if that friendship is for the day, it’s worth it. Maybe that’s because we think they’re most likely to embrace us. But when we develop relationships with ladies from different backgrounds, perspectives, and life experiences, our lives are enriched. Not long ago, as a surprise birthday present, Benjamin gathered my friends from across the country for a girls’ weekend.

As You Lean Into The Light

Looking around that room, it would be difficult to guess what these women had in common. We’re all different ages and ethnicities. What’s amazing is that even though I was the only common human thread, once we were together, we all got along like we’d been friends for years. He had been setting up this scenario all along. Is that really putting yourself out there as a friend? Social media can be a good diversion, and it has some upsides. But is it fair to call the people who observe your life from a distance friends? People who see your social media know about one percent of what’s going on in your life. That’s not the whole story. In our culture, we’ve swallowed the lie that the more widely recognized someone is, the more valuable they are. Apps on our phones calculate value based on the number of followers and likes. But it’s all smoke and mirrors, y’all. They take walks together, call and text each other, celebrate kids’ birthdays and milestones together, show care for each other. Do we all need to get off social media? I’m just saying let’s be real.

Heart To Heart

It’s not like anyone has it all figured out. When someone impresses me, I try to ask myself, What is it I admire here? What can I learn from her? Figuring out the answers matters for a couple of reasons. So, for instance, if I say, Wow, Nadia is so present when we’re together. She didn’t look at her phone one time during our lunch. That makes me feel honored and cared for, I can take that thoughtfulness and bring it into my own life. Isolating the traits we appreciate in others helps us avoid the tendency to idealize the rest of their life. We’re all works in progress. We can’t have a true friendship with someone when they’re on a pedestal. Those things can change at any time. Even so, it’s no good to do life alone. We were created for community, sister. Go back to the beginning, in the Garden.

The World Disappears

Even in a perfect world, we need each other. It’s impossible for any one friend or friend group to meet every need. Think about the women you’ve chosen to do life with. One gift of friendship is learning the unique blessings and talents you have to offer. Maybe you’ll see yourself or your friends in the following descriptions. Some women have been there in key moments of my life that turned out to be milestones. Not long ago, a couple of friends and I were sharing a meal, and Courtney told a story about me from twenty years ago, when I was an intern. I had forgotten that part of who I used to be. When I’m in need of a confidence boost, I know what to do. When I talk to Arin and Gia, it’s like getting a B12 shot. How this works is a mystery to me. All I know is that when I hang up the phone, I feel like Superwoman! I don’t want everyone in my life to do this all the time. That would be too much conflict! But there are some women I trust who will do this for me occasionally. I have learned that I need these friends. They know my heart, and they know how to call me out in a way that won’t put me on the defensive. Truth spoken in love is such a gift. There have been times when I was so hurt or sad that words wouldn’t come. Or when I was pounding on heaven’s door so loud and so long that I ran out of energy. In those times, I’ve been blessed to have faithful friends who come alongside me and pray. Shahrzad has an incredible gift of prayer. Her words, whether by text or in person, calm my soul and help put things into perspective. What a coincidence! But I’ve learned that this isn’t something to be taken lightly. Experience is the best teacher, so if someone else has already walked through what I’m walking through, I should lean in and take notes! That way I may be able to avoid gaining the same wisdom the hard way! Some women are good at cooking up adventures. It’s no secret that I’m the planner for my friend groups. I love having girls who want to go, will do what’s necessary to save the date, and enjoy being together. One day I hope to work this muscle more than I do now. Holidays are a favorite time of year for me. That said, we haven’t lived in one place long enough for us to have traditions around decorating our house. I called up my girlfriend Whitney, and she walked me through what I needed. Sometimes these women even prepare you a meal just because they love you! I’m so grateful for my best friend Tamela.