Know And Use Your Boundaries

You don’t have to fully engage with every person you meet, and you aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea and they aren’t going to be yours. I often wonder about Joel, but here is my point. People pleasers, beware. However, I did treat Joel with kindness and respect, and gave him a beautiful referral. A moment with another person when you are listening and not talking so much can be so meaningful and pivotal. Are you a good listener? I had a moment with my mom that I’d like to share with you. I hope you’ll be a good listener as I tell you this because it’s a moment I’ll never forget, and I hope you find a moment like this with your loved ones. So I left Maine and went to Minnesota. Now, whenever you return home, or at least when I do anyway, I feel like I go back to being a little kid. There are some things from home that are just home. This time, however, didn’t feel that way at all. I felt like an adult taking care of an adult.

Maybe Someday

We arrived at the Walmart parking lot and it began to rain. Absolutely pouring, so much so that it wasn’t that great driving back home either, so we decided to stay put. My mom and I decided to stay in the car and have a chat. I was talking about closing the Best Ever You Network. Trust me, she’s a brilliant businessperson, so she had some amazing ideas. We were on topics like change, jealousy, and anger. She said, I already have a will. And I said, Okay, well then, let me ask you all sorts of stuff I’ve never asked you in case something really does happen. She proceeded to tell me the what and where and why. I said, No, the important stuff, like stuff I didn’t ask about Dad and you. Tell me a story about something I don’t know about you. We were talking and it was all about how challenging it could be to take care of Dad and work while in your sixties and seventies.

More Than A Dream

She talked about how expensive medication was and care and just the stress and worry with someone that ill for so long and how magnificent Dad was. It was a difficult situation to navigate, but she had no regrets and was very positive, just as my mom always is. She let me know she had his care and the expense in hand. Also that my brothers and sisters were there, and we all covered any shortfalls. I began to talk about the move from one house to the second house, which was a beautiful and peaceful lakefront home. I was recalling and telling her how neat I thought that house was, and she proceeded to tell me that the whole time they were living there they felt like they were secretly less than everyone else in the neighborhood. My mom said she was jealous of yards, flowers, clothes, barbecues, and whatever else you could be jealous of while living in a lakefront mansion with one income. That was, until one day a neighbor lady knocked on her door. She was bringing over something to give to my mom. My mom and the lady got to chatting and my mom said how stunning her yard was and how beautiful the house looked and was full of jealous compliments, but they were kind. The neighbor did something my mom never, ever expected. She proceeded to break down and cry.

Despite Repeated Warnings

My mom’s ears and heart and soul then heard all about how their perfect neighbors were actually in the final stages of divorce and foreclosure, and how they had fixed their house up with final money for their daughter’s wedding this weekend, which was completely for show before they let their four adult children know they were being foreclosed on. My mom said to me, I had absolutely no idea all of this was going on with her and she had absolutely no idea anything was going on with Dad recovering from a stroke. We had everything and all appearances from the outside looking in, perfect. Scratch a bit below the surface, and you’ll find everything. She confessed she had been watching my mother care for her flowers and dogs and longed for the days when her family all came for Sunday dinner and just dropped in. They also downsized to match their new reality and upgraded to match their soul. That was a moment I’ll never forget. We both agreed that you absolutely can’t tell what is really happening in another person’s life, so treat all you encounter with a sense of grace, elegance, compassion, and collaboration, as we are all in this together. My mother taught me that. Have those intangibles going at all moments. Tell me something I don’t know about you. Tell me something about your life story. We may feel embarrassed to tell or share the truth. Are you part of a community, online or otherwise? I promise you a network full of people who will engage and accept you. We are a very inclusive network. Thomas was just nineteen months old, and I thought I was going to lose him. We were attending a family birthday party and had no reason to believe Thomas might have an issue with food at the party. He’d never had an allergic reaction before. He took one bite of an English toffee bar with crushed pecans, and within thirty seconds he was coughing, and his face was covered in hives. Something was very wrong. My cousin, a hospital administrator, called ahead and told the hospital staff what Thomas had eaten and the symptoms he was having while my mom drove us two miles to the hospital. The Emergency Department team was waiting outside. In the seven minutes it took to drive to the Emergency Department entrance, Thomas had become completely unrecognizable to me.