Perhaps You Made A Bad Decision

What if I got it all wrong? There is absolutely no reason you need to give that friendship any more time and energy. And you’re not wearing the same clothes from 1982, so why are you holding on to the friendship? Probably you both feel the same way, just one of you needs to grow some balls and exit. As long as you have thanked the person for being a good friend, that’s sufficient. Plus, the car buying process itself is such a big hassle. Why the hell are you still going shoe shopping and having lattes with this woman who is dragging you down? Held onto friendship that was long expired. Wasted 2,458 hours of life. You are not responsible for these people. It’s not up to you to hold onto them for fear of hurting their feelings. You know in your gut if the friendship is expired. Marriages begin and some end, children might be born, and jobs change. When people change, certain friendships can’t withstand the change. It says nothing bad about the two people in the relationship.

Why Remind Me?

It’s just a relationship that ended and the best part is that both people can be better for the sheer fact that the relationship has existed. The friendship served its purpose in its time, but now there’s no longer a need for it. Both parties now have room to grow, and can find extra energy to be used for something or someone else. So you’re probably wondering, How the hell do I end a friendship? The first way is to have a mature conversation about it. However, chances are that if the friendship has become dysfunctional or weak, the breakup conversation may not go well. As painful as that would all be, it would be your definitive evidence of why the friendship should be over. No matter how you tell the person, avoid blaming and try your best to come from a place of love and compassion. The other way is to slowly let the friendship die on its own. Stop making plans with her and stop forcing the relationship. Eventually it will just shut down. Your friend may or may not contact you asking what’s going on, and if she does, tell her the truth. If you can stand with integrity in the situation, you know you’ve ended things in the best way possible.

This Blue World

An unfulfilling friendship that has been going on for too long is essentially life clutter you need to clean out. Everyone has sustained heartbreak. If there was a pill for getting over heartbreak, it would sell on the black market for thousands and/or a big pharmaceutical company would own it, and most of the world. Everyone has a painful story that would at least bring tears, if not bring you to your knees. You can choose to let it define you, or you can choose to recreate yourself. Gain any available wisdom and insight and start to move forward. In option one, there is no relief. It’s an entrée of feeling sorry for yourself with a side of blaming others, and for dessert, stay in the sad story that this is your destiny. But the difference is that you shift perspectives and reflect on what you’ve learned. So what are your painful experiences? What is the thing that influenced your life so greatly that it still stings to think about or talk about? Chances are, you know it right away. The best way to help yourself move on is to write down everything you’ve learned from it. Ask yourself important, introspective questions about your pain and explore how you can use it to serve you better.

Deep in the Heart

Pull yourself out of the story for a few minutes and look at what the gift is. It doesn’t mean you aren’t in pain anymore. It just means you’re strong enough to use it as a tool for growth. Perhaps you made a bad decision. Perhaps you got pregnant by accident while in a relationship with some guy you desperately loved, with the intention that the baby would help the relationship. The wisdom you might find is that you realize you need to look at why you wanted so desperately to hold on to him in the first place. Or you reflect on the fact that you do need to be alone to decide what you really want for your life. Perhaps someone you love tragically died. What did he teach you while he was alive? What piece of him do you want to take with you into your daily life? Or maybe someone did something terrible to you. What did you learn about yourself? What will you not tolerate again? Yes, we all have failures, heartbreak, and emotional pain, but it’s not who we are. It’s just circumstances and facts. No one is destined for failure. No one is destined to be heartbroken. And circumstances do not determine who you are, your worth, or your future. You’re responsible for all of that. Why do you think you need to stay here? Try to see the other side of the coin. Pretty soon, it won’t be so painful anymore. To actually pick something they want to do as a career. When I was seventeen, all I wanted to do was pick a cool bodysuit and matching scrunchie to wear. I envied my peers who did know and felt badly about myself that I did not. Clearly there was something wrong with me and I was a flake. People tell me, It’s so awesome that you’ve found your thing. In all honesty, this compliment makes me feel panicked. Is this my forever thing? I’ve realized that I’m not alone. That their chosen calling isn’t good enough. That they shouldn’t ever, ever, ever change their mind once they’ve chosen one. That they haven’t found a real purpose. Let’s look at each scenario. First, it really bothers me when people go through life panicked that their thing doesn’t stack up to someone else’s.