Times And Spaces That Work Best For You

Create your rules and boundaries with loving confidence. The friend asked me if the girls could play Minecraft. This sounded like a waste of a playdate to me. So I simply told her, We’re actually not doing video games today. But I’d love to help you guys think of something fun to do! You could bake this box of muffin mix, play hide and seek, color, listen to music. The child was visibly disappointed. But after a minute of brainstorming, she moved on to a different activity. My daughter and her friend had a great time on the trampoline, bouncing and laughing their heads off. He shared that his older child can play for an hour once a week without incident. The child had never struggled with potty issues, except while video gaming. Remember the opportunity costs, and what you are aiming to cultivate. Your children’s aim will be to maximize momentary enjoyment.

Here Comes Trouble

They are still learning about delaying gratification and why it’s important to hone other skills. You will meet resistance when you limit their video games by any measure at all. Make peace with that. When both parents invest in strong relationships with their kids, the kids will not want to let their parents down. That is worth its weight in gold. If our guidelines and rules do not stem out of deep, abiding relationships in which our kids feel known and cherished, we will crash and burn. When your kids see how loved they are, how interested you are in their lives, how delighted you are to be their parents, they will trust that you have their best interests at heart. They are building blocks of our relationships with tweens and teens who feel loved, cherished, and cared for. These are the teens who tell their parents everything, who are willing to honestly share their lives, and who will be more likely to adhere to parental rules, because they trust that they aren’t arbitrary, but loving. Maybe your kids are currently in a place where simply asking them if they are enslaved to their phones will elicit an honest response. Come on, man! I would protest. Mom knew what she was talking about.

How Many More Times?

She set a rule in place for my good. Thirty years later, when I am famished in the hour before a meal, I eat a piece of fruit. She cared enough to look past my complaining, to invest in the long term, to instill good habits that would continue for life. Sometimes, when our willpower isn’t strong enough to say no to the bad choice, we have to set actual barriers to prevent bad decisions. Even adults must do this. Not going to happen. After snacking on a few, I literally toss the bag onto the passenger floor. Because I know that despite reason and sound judgment, if I have the option to eat most of my children’s fries, I will absolutely do it. All human beings have the propensity to make bad choices despite good intentions. This is true for teenagers. Adults think with the rational part of the brain, while teens think with the emotional part. As parents, it’s our job to set up boundaries to help our kids individually, based on their needs and inclinations.

One Step Closer

You can build this plan to be perfectly tailored to suit you and your kids. Pick and choose the parameters that you want to incorporate into your own plan, and ignore the ones that you don’t like. Depending on your kids’ ages and maturity, you will likely have different rules for each child. The hope would be that you give your children more freedom as you decide they are ready for it. Looks like you are preparing him to launch into adulthood, where he’s responsible for his own decisions. Phones remain docked in a specified location, not in children’s pockets. Because we are using our phone as a helpful tool, like keys, wallets, and sunglasses, it will wait for us until we need to use it as a tool. We will pick it up when we need it, rather than having it beckon to us from our pockets with a buzz. Our kids can check their texts and other notifications during specifically designated times. After homework and before dinner, kids get thirty minutes to do the same, in the family room or kitchen, and then the phone returns to its docked location. You can create exact times and spaces that work best for you. The point is, you are creating discrete starting and stopping points for digital media. Turn off all notifications for every app. If you have allowed social media and other apps for your children, they may check their notifications on your terms. Why should any random person who comments on a post have the power to pull your child from a family conversation or activity? Your children will check notifications when it’s best for your family. They understandably want to see if anyone reacted to their posts, and they will. Apps do not get to determine where we pay attention and when. Turning off notifications helps with this. There is no reason for a young child to retreat to his bedroom alone with access to the entire world. A bedroom with a device is no longer a safe haven for a child. Anyone who wanted to call your child would need access to his phone number. Phones may be used for texts and calls only. This is a great way to introduce your kids to the responsibility of living in a tech world. See how they handle this amount of personal technology, with the mutual understanding that it is a privilege and not a right. Mom or Dad may pick up the phone and check it at any time. If your child is having difficulty viewing this as generous and is instead complaining, you can remind her that you’d be happy to keep the life was like without the privilege you generously allowed.