Be Respectful Of And Attentive

Most people spend their entire lives indulging or dodging their wounds, limitations, and triggers. So, when symptoms and the issues they point to show up, bless them! It’s the higher version of you ringing the bell, calling for attention, indicating it’s transformation time. Moving out of inertia into possibility often shows up as irritation, sadness, anger, and other strong emotions. Be respectful of and attentive to these feelings. When you are angry, upset, and annoyed, lean in. You are unconsciously engineering your shift. Sometimes it feels like hitting rock bottom. But hitting rock bottom means you and your body know it’s time for something else. It’s important to listen to that calling, whichever way it shows up for you. If you stick with it, it will move you past your reasons for staying stuck and take you straight to where and what and who you want to be. Ask yourself, What’s not working for me right now? Money, relationships, career, habits? This is your explicit issue. Remind yourself that having an issue doesn’t make you wrong, stupid, or unworthy.

Climb That Hill

It means you’ve outgrown your current place and you are wanting to make your way to the next level. Start listening to your issues as prompts to move, not declarations of failure. You’re like Aladdin at this point. You’re about to rub that magical lamp as soon as you can find the darn thing. Hidden right smack in the middle of your issue. We’ve been taught that to moan and groan drags us down to lower levels, and that’s true if we’re doing it unconsciously or overindulging in the misery and growing the cesspool. But acknowledging suffering as a clue to our implicit issues isn’t complaining. After you’ve written down what’s not working for you without censoring yourself, ask yourself, When did I start feeling, thinking, or acting this way? What was happening to or around me at that time? How did I feel, and what decision did I make about what was happening to me in that moment? Again, don’t censor what shows up. Write down the answers exactly as you say them in your mind. Words and phrases are clues too. We are pretty specific as human beings even if we don’t realize it. What dislikes or restrictions have you formed around this issue? Who or what do you judge about that? Once you’ve answered all that, highlight or circle all the hot words, repetitive words, emotions, themes, and patterns.

Make Sure You're Sure

Write down all the patterns you can see and then ask yourself which pattern is most directly affecting the issue that you have right now. Then see if you can tie it into where you first noticed this happening for you. When you have that in place, see if this is a recurrent pattern either for you or for someone else in the family. What about it scares you the most? How will your life be if this stays the same? Does this pattern even belong to you? Did it begin with you, or did it happen further back in the system? Do you have unconscious loyalties to the system that are keeping it intact? The process of exploring an issue is a bit like dropping a stitch in knitting that creates a run all the way down to where it’s been dropped. You have to see what’s happening in you, then pick the clues back up, row by row, so you wind up with an intact pattern going back to the start. And when you hit on the real problem, boy do you know it! The realization will have you sitting bolt upright in your chair, eyes wide in discomfort. What would be a really good outcome if this were to change? This question begins the pivot. This may happen in a positive or negative way. Sometimes we may feel like we’re on shaky ground or even feel like an imposter, but truly, when we expand a system, we are pioneers. Say you’re in a bad car crash. Later you develop a phobia about cars. You can’t even get in one.

In A World Of Pain

This evolves into a general phobia of traveling and moving about, and you become more and more housebound. This not only obviously affects your success and fulfillment, but can trickle down to your family as your children begin to repeat your patterns. We’re in the driver’s seat. However, there is another possibility. Triggers are helpers. They are there to offer us insights into what needs to change, and we can use that information in service of our health and movement into lives we love. They are invitations to move beyond fear and distress into creation. As an ancient wise one once put it, Physician, heal thyself. If you can be willing to feel the fear, annoyance, frustration, anger, and impatience for a little while without judging, you will begin to notice the clues that your body and systems are trying to provide that are always in service of you. Then you can move beyond them into understanding. Your life, no matter what, is remarkable, and there are no constraints on who or what you can become. It doesn’t matter if you are a low earner or have been called a low achiever. It doesn’t matter if you’re a billionaire who has seemingly done it all. There is no one who can’t change and improve their life. Everything you have done up to now has value. Just like your family system, everything in your life has had a purpose. It all belongs, and it all counts. Everything you chose and experienced or didn’t experience brought you to this moment. Those who hold onto regrets, struggle. Those who mine for insights and move on grow in wisdom and fulfillment. When you choose to move on, you create a pathway for others. Uncovering and then exploring personal issues is brave and sacred work that frightens many. But I am here to tell you that transformation doesn’t have to be painful.