Happiness In Life Isn't Automatic Or Guaranteed

In my years of work with thousands of clients, I have realized that after resolution comes the possibility of transformation, and some clients are ready for a step in that direction. It has been my profound good fortune to realize that the pattern wanting to resolve and rest contains seeds for the new pattern that desires to be born through us. Moving beyond the space of feeling trapped, we begin to understand at a very deep level that we can be greater than what came before us, that nothing can ultimately trap or limit us, and that each of us can and should do something quite extraordinarily different with our lives. By using systemic work and constellations to see what is trying to emerge through us and to continue exploring our personal language and actions, we can keep growing, taking the gifts of the past and using them to fertilize and create the dreams of the future. Bringing a sense of curiosity and play into this process is helpful. If you’re feeling resistant, remind yourself that you are here to grow your future, not repeat ancient history. Be present with this process and open to some new insights and wisdom! Are you on the outside? Are any emotions coming up? The secret sauce to healing and transformation is learning to dialogue and interact with your inner world as effectively as your outer world, making the invisible visible. Some of it is still hypothesis. Most of it is wildly cutting edge. But, then, so is systemic work and constellations. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Now, let’s take a look at the dynamics of constellations from a scientific perspective and see how it actually works.

Don't Worry About A Thing

How can doing a constellation shift my perception of the world, enabling me to operate as a whole new person? Milton Erickson once said, If you want happiness, you have to work for it. And he was right. Happiness in life isn’t automatic or guaranteed. But no matter what the past has brought us, the possibility for creating the world we want, including happiness, begins with us. And yet, as far back as the early twentieth century, the father of neuroscience, Santiago Ramón y Cajal, described nonpathological changes in the neuronal structure of adult brains as neuronal plasticity. In 1949, the Canadian psychologist Donald Hebb studied how neurons in the brain adapt during learning. Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, have finally helped us change our minds. The brain can change itself, writes Doidge. It is a plastic, living organ that can actually change its own structure and function, even into old age. The vision of a living, changing brain that responds to new experiences throughout one’s lifespan is most certainly a vision of hope. This is, to a great extent, because our neural pathways operate under the law of least effort or the path of least resistance, allowing us to conserve mental energy and respond quickly to life experiences. Let’s say you were bitten by a dog when you were five years old.

What Is Truth?

Thoughts that have a strong emotion attached to them, like fear, create neural pathways very quickly. If a situation is intense enough or is repeated enough times without resolution, we start laying down neural pathways that are amplified by the emotions in play. Which means that after the traumatic dog bite experience, you rapidly develop a generalized fear of dogs. You get frightened every time a dog is present, and the biochemicals triggered by the fear reinforce the mental program dogs are dangerous over and over again. Soon the brain creates a deeply ingrained, habitual response pathway that kicks in quickly and efficiently every time you see a dog. The same is true of everything else in life. We quickly develop mental habits and think the same thoughts over and over about certain people, situations, ideas, and beliefs. By the time we’re in our twenties, we don’t have to really think at all. If we don’t complete or close out these patterns in a way that settles our brain, then thoughts about these ideas, people, and events constantly fire and neurologically wire the same pattern with the same physical and emotional responses. This pattern can then be passed down through the generations as a pattern of thoughts, feelings, and actions via something called epigenetics, which we will discuss shortly. We’re not dog people. Or Everyone in my family has depression.

How Many More Times?

Or We are all overweight/angry/poor. Or We don’t borrow money. Or We would rather die than betray our values. Fortunately, neuroplasticity guarantees we can change our neural pathways, and during a constellation, our neural pathways can change very rapidly. Family constellations may actively involve the ability of the brain to rewire itself through new sensory experiences, thereby creating new neural pathways, says Yildiz Sethi, psychotherapist and founder of Rapid Core Healing and Emotional Mind Integration. Hence, providing the space for a new story to emerge of victory over the odds, surviving, or better still thriving, rather than remaining a victim of circumstance. During a constellation, we identify the issue and its components and approach the work with a curious, open, inquiring, and present state of mind that tends to create the space for possibility, deepening awareness and generating more insights. But the most impactful aspect of a constellation is its 3D nature. Here’s a story of a client I worked with during a constellations event that shows what I mean. Sandra couldn’t find her place at work or at home and always felt excluded. She was the different one in the family and often skipped out on family gatherings because she felt like she wasn’t wanted. This same dynamic was beginning to show up at work, where she would remove herself from teams and then wonder why she was being excluded from business gatherings. Of course, the truth was she was the one excluding herself from both private and work engagements, but she just couldn’t see it.