Learn To Read And Interpret These Nonverbal Cues

People are constantly sending messages about what they think and feel, and they’re doing so without even realizing it. When you learn to read and interpret these nonverbal cues, you’ll have access to a whole new world of insight into the people around you. Remember, a significant part of listening is hearing what isn’t being said aloud. When we believe someone is like us, we’re more likely to build a connection, trust them, like them, and listen to them. To gain the benefits of perceived similarity with anyone you want to influence, you can use a communication tactic called mirroring. Nonverbal mirroring is when you match the other person’s body position, posture, and gestures to help create powerful connections. This type of mirroring happens all the time, but it’s usually done subconsciously and happens when someone feels a strong bond with the person they’re speaking to. With a little awareness and effort, you can use mirroring consciously to have more success in every conversation. I can appreciate a healthy level of skepticism, so let’s dive into some research and look at four studies that illustrate the power of mirroring. Journalist Benedict Carey wrote an article called You Remind Me of Me in the New York Times covering various experiments that proved mirroring works. In one study, researchers showed participants a series of advertisements and asked for their opinion. While they were looking at the advertisements, the researcher mirrored the posture and position of half the participants, including the positioning of their legs and arms.

Love Comes Tumbling

Later, the researcher pretended to drop some pens on the floor accidentally. The participants that the researcher had mirrored throughout the experiment proved to be 2–3 times more likely to pick up the pens than those who hadn’t been mirrored. A Duke University study supported these findings. In this particular experiment, students tried a new sports drink and then answered a number of questions. The person conducting the interview mirrored the posture and movements of half of the students. The mirroring was done with a delay of one to two seconds to ensure the participants didn’t catch on to what was happening. When the interview was finished, the participants who had been mirrored were far more likely to try the drink than those who hadn’t. They were also more likely to state that they’d buy it, and more of them felt that the drink would succeed if launched to market. In an article entitled Use Mirroring to Connect with Others, published in the Wall Street Journal, Sue covered experiments dealing with mirroring. The salespeople were instructed to mimic their customers’ nonverbal and verbal cues. Some salespeople followed these instructions, and some didn’t mirror and worked as per usual. At the end of the experiment, the employees that did mirror their customers sold considerably more products than the ones who didn’t.

Like A Runaway Train

And that wasn’t the only benefit. Another study published in 2008 in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology involved 62 students required to negotiate with one another. The students who took the time to mirror their negotiating partners’ posture and verbal communication style were successful 67% of the time in the negotiation. Conversely, those who didn’t engage in mirroring only managed to reach a consensus 12.5% of the time. If you ever want to see an expert at work when it comes to mirroring, study politicians when they’re talking. Politicians go through extensive training on mirroring in order to build as many connections as possible. After all, politics is all about winning people over, and that’s very difficult to do if you can’t build a connection with someone. Because mirroring is typically a subconscious byproduct of connection, it’s already happening around you in some way. Watch for things like similar body positions and hand gestures in your interactions and when observing others. Two people taking a drink at the same time is even a form of mirroring, and it’s a common one in restaurant settings. As you build your awareness, you can start incorporating it yourself.

Welcome To The Good Times

Begin with mirroring body position and posture. For example, if you and your conversation partner are standing in a hallway talking, allow the position of your body to align with theirs. When this becomes more habitual, you can add hand gestures and any other movements you observe. When you’re already armed with knowledge on nonverbal communication, adding in mirroring makes it even easier to recognize what the person’s body is telling you about their thoughts and feelings. That’s the most powerful way to create a connection and build influence. Keep in mind, it’s best to be cautious when mirroring nonverbal communication. If you replicate someone’s gestures or a change in their body position, don’t do it at the exact same moment. Instead, wait a couple of seconds and then do something similar. If you mirror them too frequently and do it at the same time with the same movement, they may catch on. If you’re too obvious, they may think you’re mocking them, and that’s the opposite of what you want. Furthermore, you don’t have to put pressure on yourself to mirror everything a person does. For example, suppose you pick up on a negative nonverbal cue, like pursed lips. If it’s a negative cue, it’s better to take note of it, consider what may have caused it, and keep your body language positive rather than mirror their negativity. Once you’re aware of the negative cue, you have a few strategic options. Because it’s extremely effective at uncovering crucial information while simultaneously showing that we care about the other person and value what they have to say. You’re also giving them the opportunity to express themselves, which is an incredibly likable thing to do. The second option is to demonstrate concern, but the key is to be very indirect. If you’re too direct with your language, they’ll feel put on the spot. Remember, if they haven’t said anything and it’s all coming through in their body language, they might be hesitant to reveal their emotions.