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Isn’t looking busy a valuable skill to have? Or maybe you want to clean the garage or rake or do some other bit of hard work. And at this very moment, great dads are probably instilling the value of hard work in their kids by happily raking together like it’s some kind of Amish rake party. Yes, kids are adorable. Yes, they are fun to watch trying. But if you want something done, woo, boy, a kid is not who you call. Okay, process is important. But more important than finishing? Clearly, you understand that by getting helped, you are doing more than a job. You are bonding and showing your child how to make his way in the world. It’s important for sure. Someone’s got to organize the recycling. Maybe it needs to be color coded. Kids are perfect for picking up sticks and piling them up somewhere. 
Withdraw With Merciless Aloofness.
Point is, there’s usually some kind of useless side job that won’t interfere with the main one. Or something else that is special but doesn’t happen very often, like moving water from bowl to bowl. Then you can vacuum the other half. So your kid probably desperately wants to use the rake and won’t be satisfied by some pretend rake. So give him the heaviest, most awkward tool you have. This will knock the motivation to work hard right out of him. It all starts with your daughter failing to use a dustpan properly. Don’t kill this golden goose! So we’ve come a long way. Little kids love magic. They see the magic in the mundane. Do you want your child to believe only in realism, forgo magic in all its forms, decide that mystery is nothing? That’s what you’re doing if you don’t embrace Santa. Santa is, well, a jolly old elf, and he brings presents. It Takes A Lot To Laugh
And the anticipation of presents is basically the best thing when you are a kid. Keep your kid’s heart wide open. Don’t kill the magic. Santa’s right on the edge of making no sense. Yeah, he lives at the North Pole. Explains why I never see him, okay. And he has a magic sleigh pulled by flying reindeer. Hmmm, okay reindeer makes sense. And I guess you’d have to fly to get everywhere so quickly. And he, uh, comes down your chimney with toys his elves made for you. Sigh, okay, now you’re blowing it for me. That’s why I think the Elf on the Shelf is a terrible development for Christmas. Eyesight To The Blind
If you’re lying because of magic and gift giving, then you’re telling a good lie. These snitches are just another bit of Christmas cruft that makes lying seem so much less wholesome. By putting them front and center, it undermines the magic of the whole thing. Your useless old teeth go away, and you get money in return. It’s an easy lie to swallow. There’s no reason to look this gift horse in the mouth. But the Easter Bunny is tough. I didn’t want my daughter to think too hard about it, lest our mythological house of cards come tumbling down. The Easter Bunny makes no sense. Why is he delivering eggs? I ask you, dear wife, why does the Easter Bunny leave a basket of candy out for our child? What’s his motivation? If a rabbit had magical powers, wouldn’t he just use his powers to grow himself a ton of carrots? Do you remember when you realized when there was no Santa, no Easter Bunny, no Tooth Fairy? They understand so many things, is it time to ruin Christmas? A conspiracy theory, a story too good to question, or at least something plausible. At the time of this writing, she is ten years old and had two more years of Santa belief than I expected, as well as several Tooth Fairy payments and a recent delivery of Easter candy from the Easter Bunny. She seemed to be worried that our new cat would scare the Easter Bunny away. It could be that my wife and I are victims of a long con to get presents, candy, and money. She knows that we know that we don’t want to know that she knows that as long as Santa exists, presents still exist. And that means we still have a kid, a big kid, yes, but a kid. Maybe she’s not ready to grow up either. It’s a nice thought. I can’t deal with that guy. Now, being mad is frowned upon, and not getting mad is as hard as ever. Maybe it’s genetics, maybe it’s the insane amount of testosterone I have coursing through my incredibly virile body, but I get angry and yell too easily, just like my dad. My dad is a great guy, but he used to fly off the handle when my brother and I were horsing around too much. He’d burst into the den where we were swan diving off the sofa and yell, This is not a gymnasium! I think a lot of Old Dads were like this. So I inherited his temper along with his corny jokes. And yet, I want to do better. Is there a way to be a less mad dad? Make sure you’re breathing. Step back, get a little distance from the insanity. That’s the first thing anyone’s going to tell you. Which basically means I’m not breathing deeply enough. It’s so easy to ascribe evil motivation to annoying behavior, but the likelihood is that your kid is not a bad seed. More likely they need a snack. What’d I ever do to deserve this? And I wallow in my pity in such an exaggerated way that it’ll make me laugh. It probably looks crazy, but it works. Maybe you’re being too rigid. A little noisy craziness can be a wonderful release. Try banging the cabinet with him. Maybe now isn’t the time to finish work. Letting go and joining in the madness can sometimes get you back on track.