The Rituals Of Grief And Healing

A memory can be held alone or shared with others. Remind the group that nothing can break our connections with our loved one. Have fun blowing the bubbles, trying to catch them and hold them, noticing the delight of simple things. Turn off your music and blow out your candle. Draw and release some deep breaths. Invite others to keep their handful of treasure and the bubbles if they wish. It may be a picture in our mind and it may be accompanied by emotions, some fleeting and others strong. Remembering is part of what allows us to live on without them, and it is also part of how they live on beyond death. A ritual is a custom or practise used by an individual or a group. It’s different from a habit, in that it has another layer of meaning. When we think about the rituals of grief and healing, there are some that you might develop yourself, such as taking a meditative walk around the garden each morning to connect with the spirit of your loved one. Other rituals such as funeral or mourning practises are more complex and draw on centuries of traditional beliefs and customs which may involve many others.

Tip of My Tongue

Some of our rituals help us to hold and express our memories and our grief, while others help us release them and aid our recovery. Of course, some do both, but being aware of what they may be able to do for us can assist us plan and enact rituals that support us in our grief and healing. In grief we may yearn for the past, wishing that our memories could become real life again. While that is not possible, we can use ritual to honour our loved one and express our suffering. Across all cultures there are strong rituals associated with death, as it is universally recognised as a sacred and mysterious threshold. While people die in a range of circumstances, if others are with them, they often introduce a ritualistic element. The space may be decorated with things that have meaning for the person or their loved ones, or there may be prayers or poetry. When we tell the story of a loved one’s passing, we describe such things as the way the family gathered around the bed or the favourite song that was playing. This desire to discover and convey meaning around death at such times seems to be a deeply held human trait. What did you do next? After death there are a range of ways that the living honour the one who has just died. In some cultures, families will keep the body of the deceased person with them until a funeral ceremony, while others will call immediately for a funeral director to take the body away. There are no right or wrong decisions at this time, but for many grieving people this phase can pass in a blur, without much clear thought.

Weather To Fly

As I watched the funeral pyres burn along the river, one after the other, I was aware of how different this was from my own experience of funeral rites. It reinforced for me that our beliefs about life and death shape the cultural practices and rituals that surround death and funerals. The funeral is an opportunity to express our loss and grief while simultaneously celebrating the life of our loved one. This universal ritual marks the significance of the life that has been lived, and expresses the meaning that life holds for those who remain. Our attempt to express our understanding of the cycle of life may, or may not be, aligned with a range of cultural, spiritual, or religious beliefs and traditions. In many communities, the formal funeral ceremony is preceded or followed by a gathering of those connected with the deceased. These were once vigils where family would stay awake in prayer for the one who had died, and they are often still called a wake. There may be laughter and tears as stories are recalled, the character is reinforced, and the loss is expressed. Memories are shared and made as we recover the past to make sense of the present. During and after the funeral we may gather and display photos and symbols of our loved one in recognition of their life and its significance for us. It is important to acknowledge that while funerals are significant, grief continues and changes for a long time afterwards. Much of the theory around grief in the last century centred on the task of letting go of the deceased.

The Last Resort

In the 1990s, researchers challenged that notion and developed an approach called continuing bonds,4 which emphasizes that after death the relationship changes rather than ends. Part of the grieving process then involves finding meaningful and sustained ways to connect with our loved one. Many people continue to communicate with their loved one after death. Some sense their presence, others report seeing them, while many continue to talk, silently or aloud, with those who have died. Across all cultures there are those who are recognized with abilities to assist the living and dead to communicate, and many visit psychics and mediums for that purpose. We can be very vulnerable when we are grieving, so be cautious about who could be helpful. You may have had dreams in which your loved one has communicated with you in words, or messages, or symbols. Other people find a sense of connection with signs and symbols, often in nature. A feather in your path, a movement of the wind or water, an animal or insect at unexpected places or times may speak to you. objects of your loved one or by visiting the cemetery, or places that have significance for them and you. There are no right or wrong ways to continue your connection. Death marks a change in the relationship and you can discover ways to incorporate some aspects of your loved one into the new life you are experiencing without their physical presence.